Time has been slowing. Or rather, my ability to fill the time before me is growing weaker. Time carries on while I sit motionless—the blank disc on which the clock’s arms rotate. I feel as though I have not moved from this creaky old chair since my last novel and have nothing but forced poems and drawn-out stories to show for it.
Yes, I have kept a rigorous schedule of weekly poems and monthly short stories. I diligently endure my scheduled eight hours of writing whether I have anything meaningful to write or not. Because of this perseverance, my talent as a writer should be soaring. I do not doubt that I have grown in some ways, but I am losing something that no gain can compensate.
With each due date, I have driven the nails of crucifixion deeper into my passion as it hangs limp on the bloodied cross of my self-image. I sent it there—but it is nobody’s savior. I am dying with it, asphyxiated though I hold the hammer.
Pardon the dramatic block of prose but I’m a writer, drama is what I do. Besides, it makes everything a little more entertaining.
Over the past few months my passion has been slowly draining. I have plenty of ideas for stories, many of which I truly believe will be great one day, but I haven’t been able to get to them or concentrate long enough to give them the time they need to truly blossom. It’s taken me a while, but I’m starting to see that it isn’t a bad case of writer’s block, it’s something I’ve been doing to myself. The weekly poems and monthly short stories—as much as I’ve grown from them—have become sources of subtraction rather than addition. I’ve become so worried about due dates and getting my poems and short stories done in time that I haven’t been able to really sit down and get lost in my work. I haven’t been able to write a story without focusing on when it needs to be finished. That process of getting lost is one of the reasons I started writing.
So, what does this mean for the blog?
For starters, I’ve decided to take a month off. That means I won’t be posting any poems, short stories, or updates for the next month. I’m going to use that time to dive into some novel ideas and reevaluate my work process. Hopefully, I can find a way to multitask novel-writing and blog-running. But, if it comes down to a choice, I have to say that I would choose novels over the blog.
I do not intend to stop writing poetry or short stories, but I’m not going to give up on novels either. There’s a solution to this conundrum, and I’m going to find it.
Thank you for your patience as I navigate this.
Comments