I’m cold and alone
in this gray atmosphere.
I’ve made this my home
I’ve lived here for years.
My house is down a block
a block from being down.
Feel free to stop and talk
to the me’s inside my town.
They each live alone
in this gray atmosphere.
I gave them a home
they’ve lived here for years.
They keep me company
but they’re hard company to keep.
There are dozens, so many
legions that never sleep.
Personalities? Not quite.
Pale people, friends
living half alive.
Exodus never ends.
They wanted to be heard
so I heard what I wanted.
Soaked up every word
now I’m used to being haunted.
That’s too strong a word
for the atmosphere we made.
Obsessed is better heard
and not so cold and gray.
Obsessed with pale people,
pale people obsessed with me.
All of us obsessing
in the cage that sets us free.
Obsessing
Expressing
Digressing
Confessing
Regressing
Depressing
Never progressing.
Always obsessing.
This one has a lot of me in it and I think summarizes a lot of what I write about. Also, I think it highlights one of the biggest struggles I have. Let's jump into it.
By now, you're probably familiar with the pale figure in a lot of the art for my poems. He's always meant to have been me, but not all of me. Not everything I am, but a part of me. Anyway, this poem gives a bit of light into the world my "Pale Friends" live in. I've found that it's a world of obsession, a repeating track in my mind. Yet it feels new every time another pale person enters. That's one of the difficulties with using these emotions for creative purposes; the more you write about it, the more focused you become on it. It's pretty simple math.
But I can't just ignore my Pale Friends, they are after all a significant part of me and sometimes make difficult situations less difficult. What's more, I believe that I've gone through what I have so that I can share it. Therefore I can't just shirk these things and never think about them again (I don't think I'd be able to do that anyway). So there's got to be a balance, which is always a hard thing to find. For me, my work consumes pretty much all of my time and thought. So I've noticed that working on multiple projects helps a lot. For example: my poetry will most likely continue to focus on these issues, that's just the way it's evolved and how I've been able to grow in it. But my novels and short stories can be different, a little more uplifting sometimes. I don't know, I'm still figuring it out.
Do you have your own world with pale people? I think we all do if we look hard enough. My advice, give them the attention necessary to prevent them from harming you but don't become obsessed with them.
God bless, and have a wonderful week!
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